Funny Status Messages

@BachiBawlz: A Smart Car comfortably seats a family of six in China 18 Dislike
ritzblitz: If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after your first date, then you know you have small boobs. 17 Dislike
@BachiBawlz: I had phone sex last night.... I'm on my way to the hospital to have the iPhone removed from my ass 17 Dislike
#tonyswiffen: please ignore this joke. i am standing in public alone and don't want to look like a loner, so i'm making it seem like i'm texting. 17 Dislike
@TsirAhXuan: SILENT has the same letters as LISTEN 17 Dislike
CHUCKY: The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart 17 Dislike
ritzblitz: Whoever convinced blind people they need sunglasses was one hell of a salesman! 16 Dislike
CHUCKY: Teacher: I am beautiful, which tense is this? Me: Obviously the past tense. 16 Dislike
CHUCKY: Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room 16 Dislike
Somebody: Do you want a tampon with that status you moody bitch 16 Dislike

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Last post by DJ Dusty on 07/02/2012 11:13:16 PM GMT

DJ Dusty People are more violently opposed to fur than leather probably because it's safer to harass rich women than Hell's Angels.
Posted by DJ Dusty 07/02/2012 11:13 PM 1 Like
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DJ Dusty Americans say things differently to us British. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; They say 'President', we say 'Psychopathic Twat'
Posted by DJ Dusty 07/02/2012 11:09 PM Like
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bailey I ordered the Diary of Anne Frank, Amazon sent me the Diary of A Whimpy Kid. Might just read it out of spite now.
Posted by bailey 07/02/2012 10:19 PM Like
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@Sp0nGeToM When I have a boner, I like to put a tissue on it and pretend it's a ghost.
Posted by @Sp0nGeToM 07/02/2012 09:12 PM Like
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sirdawko Got a job interview 2become an Argos delivery driver.2show them that I'll fit in well,I'm going 2turn up anytime I like between 7am and 7pm.
Posted by sirdawko 07/02/2012 07:29 PM 1 Like
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FLIX "I LOVE getting up this early!" - Nobody
Posted by FLIX 07/02/2012 07:18 PM 1 Like
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FLIX everybody sounds asian when they sneeze .
Posted by FLIX 07/02/2012 07:17 PM 1 Like
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FLIX I stepped on a cornflake now I`m a cereal killer
Posted by FLIX 07/02/2012 07:16 PM 5 Like
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FLIX Check this one out.............1. :)
Posted by FLIX 07/02/2012 07:16 PM 3 Like
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FLIX FOX NEWS: Energizer Bunny Arrested, Charged With Battery!
Posted by FLIX 07/02/2012 07:15 PM 1 Like
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FLIX What the heck does the "z" in "LOLZ" mean.... "Laugh Out Loud.... Zebras?"
Posted by FLIX 07/02/2012 07:10 PM 5 Like
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Ryan Swain If I was to work in a restaurant on valentines day I would put fake engagement rings in all the womens glasses.
Posted by Ryan Swain 07/02/2012 06:46 PM 5 Like
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Ryan Swain If a girl likes you she'll show it by never showing it. That's when you really know. It could also mean she doesn't like you at all.
Posted by Ryan Swain 07/02/2012 06:30 PM 1 Like
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Ryan Swain What with all the snow and cold weather in Northern Ireland, I bet they're glad they kept their balaclavas.
Posted by Ryan Swain 07/02/2012 05:57 PM 2 Like
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Slickpony so....guess who just invented the bipolar emoticon.... :):
Posted by Slickpony 07/02/2012 07:40 AM 9 Like
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Slickpony did you know....that if you set fire to LMFAO....they'll become ROTFLMAO?
Posted by Slickpony 07/02/2012 07:37 AM 10 Like
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@TsirAhXuan How would an immature interfaith debate go?: "My God created your God! End of discussion!"
Posted by @TsirAhXuan 07/02/2012 06:11 AM Like
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@TsirAhXuan I can type fast and without looking at the keyboard all thanks to mIRC and other chatting apps.
Posted by @TsirAhXuan 07/02/2012 05:53 AM 2 Like
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@TsirAhXuan "My pen name for my latest kids novel is ForestKin. When I applied to a publisher, I missplelt & left out the 't'. The book got rejected."
Posted by @TsirAhXuan 07/02/2012 05:52 AM Like
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@TsirAhXuan Note to self: Silicon Valley is not a name of a strip club.
Posted by @TsirAhXuan 07/02/2012 05:51 AM Like
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